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This blog post is a part of a series. If you have not read Part 1 or 2 yet, you may do so here: Hello Ayahuasca Part 1, Hello Ayahuasca Part 2

Hello Ayahuasca Part 3

Laying in the fetal position on the floor of a hostel in Cusco, Peru and surrendering to the Shamans of Peruvian culture and sacred plant medicine, Ayahuasca, the most revered plant and the one they call their master teacher plant, I found myself a long way from the little Midwestern town where I grew up. Yes, this whole experience was pushing me way out of my comfort zone and yet everything inside me said this was right for me. And it didn’t take long for the medicine to take hold and with it, the throbbing inside my head began.

Ayahuasca Experience Begins

With each breath I drew the throbbing increased until I felt like my brain might explore from the inside of my head. And then, just like on cue, I sat straight up and felt the need to burp and instead instantly vomited into my bedside container. Although we were in a darkened room, a tiny sliver of light from the street lights found its way into the room. I found it very interesting that even though I couldn’t see it clearly, that vomit appeared black in color, not at all the dark green color of the Ayahuasca plant medicine. And I thought to myself, whatever that is, good riddance. Maybe I don’t need to know more than that at this time. That should have been my first clue to what was coming next.

Surrendering to Ayahuasca

As I re positioned myself on my side in my bedroll and closed my eyes, I felt like I fell into Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory sideways. Everything was a shade of purple here and I was laying on my side feeling like I wanted to escape but on a deeper level knowing that I shouldn’t even try. This is what I came to the Ayahuasca medicine for, the stuff you can’t make up! But that didn’t stop my brain from trying! In my mind, I was saying “Wait. Stop. I don’t want to do this anymore. Can I tap out now? Maybe? Please? I don’t like this.” But the Ayahuasca medicine patiently waited for me to fully surrender as the throbbing inside my head began to pound again. Pound like the beat of a thousand drums! Inside my head! Will you surrender to me, the Ayahuasca asked. And finally, when my mind realized there was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide anymore (because I was of course in an unfamiliar place in Peru and probably unstable on my feet at that time too) I no longer had the energy to resist so I just said, “okay” and with that the whole scene inside the purple Willy Wonka Chocolate factor came alive.

The Jester

I had my eyes closed but the vision I saw in front of me was this amazing multi-dimensional form of wallpaper that began to move. As I watched it closely, I saw the form of a jester appear, again it was all various shades of purple and that wasn’t so bad until the jester started to reach its closed hand out from the wall paper and extend it toward me. No! No! No! Don’t do that I was screaming inside my vision, but the jester just smiled and kept moving its hand toward me until his arm was fully extended and his closed hand was right in front of me. Then he gently opened his hand and a white flower bloomed in front of my eyes. The Jester laughed a little at my silliness and retreated with his flower back into the wall. Good, I thought. That was a little crazy. But then the Jester smiled and started moving his hand toward me again. Now what I thought? Don’t do that anymore I was screaming again inside my head. But the Jester was unfazed and kept moving this closed hand toward me until again, he opened his hand and the while flower appeared. And then back into the wallpaper he faded again. So the third time he smiled at me and started to extend his hand, I felt no resistance to him or the flower whatsoever, and that’s when the whole scene changed. My world was no longer shades of purple, but instead became a very dark place and my head start to shake back and forth. I had no desire to stop or control the intermittent head shaking either since it wasn’t violent but it was definitely coming in waves, consistent waves, much like the early stages of my grief. I didn’t feel the need to understand any of it, but I did feel resigned to allow it to run its course.

The Dancing Wooden Mask

The next vision I experienced was a dancing stick figure wearing a huge African type of a wooden mask. While the energy felt very feminine, I could also tell this was a powerful woman didn’t play. Her only question to me was repeatedly “Can you take more?” And my consistent response over the next four hours was “Aye” to which she proceeded to dance, and shake the rattles she held in her hands over my me and my spirit. All the while my head continued to physically shake back and forth like what I imagine a person with Tourette syndrome must go through. At times I could feel the darkness and sadness of all of my human emotions moving through me. At those moments, I would spontaneously begin to sob or moan, with no mental filter in place to suppress it. I didn’t care what anyone else in the room thought. I was inside my pain and all my human emotions. It was a sacred place and it was mine and it demanded to be honored and it was finally time. As the effects of the Ayahuasca medicine began to diminish, the dancing and rattling of my African medicine woman began to slow, and my head shaking started to subside, I could feel my two worlds merging again and I wanted to understand more about what just happened. “Why did you shake my head so much?” I asked the medicine woman. The answer was immediate and swift, “Because you held your trauma in your head trying to make sense out of something that is not defined by logic. It was stuck and so were you.” And with that she disappeared never to re-emerge and I was left to process this whole amazing sacred Ayahuasca experience with a new level of awareness.

This is truly the stuff you can’t make up! I understand now why the indigenous people revere the Ayahuasca medicine as a master teacher plant. It gave me something I didn’t even know I needed and had zero frame of reference to even experience or understand. But when I got out of my way mentally, the plant stepped forward and the Shamans held the sacred space for my healing journey. The best way to describe it was like dreaming while I was awake but even better if that’s possible. Yet it was work. Hard work. But it was time.

Follow Your Own Unique Path

I am forever grateful for the gifts I received that night from Mother Nature, the Ayahuasca plant, and the Shamans of Peru. No words can even come close to describing the tremendous weight that was lifted from my body and my spirit. It was truly sacred and my childlike sketch of the medicine woman I saw in my vision in no way does her justice either. But that’s the beauty of it, the plant medicine doesn’t care, the medicine woman doesn’t care, the Shaman doesn’t care. There was no judgment in that space. Maybe I shouldn’t care so much either about what others think because they don’t know me better than I do. Maybe that’s the truth for all of us here. Maybe we just need to get out of our own way and follow our own unique paths. Maybe it’s just that simple. Then how awesome would that be? No script. No plan. Just the simple act of surrender, trust and stepping into the flow of the Universe every day. Sounds simple but we also know our human experience has conditioned us to believe otherwise. And that’s where I believe the real work resides for each and every one of us. That helps me to release judgment of myself and others because I know nothing about their experiences or the work they came here to do. And that brings me great peace and much joy too in a world of chaos. Thank you Mother Ayahuasca for the experience and thank you for the powerful lesson.

This blog post is marks the end of the series. For more great stories subscribe to the Sherri Sengsouvanna blog.

Disclaimer: Sherri Sengsouvanna does not promote the use of “Ayahuasca” or any other hallucinogenic. This blog post is merely to share her experiences with the plant.

This blog post is a part of a series. If you have not read Part 1 yet, you may do so here: Hello Ayahuasca Part 1

Hello Ayahuasca Part 2

Walking through the streets of Cusco that late summer evening in July, I could feel the energy building around my first Ayahuasca experience. By this time I spent a great deal of time in prayer and meditation to confirm that this was a ‘thing’ for me and my highest and best good on my spiritual journey. Yet, with every step I took as I followed the Shamans through the cobblestone streets, weaving in and out of alleys and climbing long series of stairs, which always seemed to go up and never down, I wondered if this was still a good idea. It seemed to me that each step I took into the night and away from my hotel was a signal to the Universe that this was really happening. Boy, I thought to myself, you are a long way from Corn County Iowa girl. Who would’ve thought we’d find ourselves here one day when I was young child growing up in small town America? Not me! That’s who.

Ayahausca Preparations

And yet, here we were. Following a Shaman pose through the streets of Cusco like a child follows a parent without question always feeling very safe and protected, and yet a little apprehensive too. A pose that included a middle-aged rugged looking Shaman that I’d spent the last couple of weeks with touring the sacred sites in Peru, another much younger Shaman who was considered a master of the Ayahausca medicine, something that was passed along in his family lineage. Then we were also accompanied by a very young Peruvian Shaman who I understood to be an apprentice under the Master Ayahausca Shaman. And, last but certainly not least, was the pretty young Peruvian female translator that would prove to be my touchstone for the evening.

Setting Expectations

As the translator began to relay the Ayahausca Shaman’s words to help manage my expectations of the events about to unfold, I came to realize that I would likely vomit during the experience, something that I seriously dreaded whenever I was sick. I know people who can trigger their gag reflex to make themselves vomit, because they say it makes them feel better, but I was never one of them. No matter how sick I felt, I always rode out the storm in hopes all my food and liquids would stay down. Now I found myself in a place where I was actually inviting vomit into my world. What was I thinking?

The translator went on to say that another way the Shaman would know that the medicine was working was if I had a sudden urge to “purge” which is their way of saying it might be a massive bowel movement or possible bowel explosion or just wetting my pants. In any case, the translator assured me that she would help me maneuver my way to the bathroom if I raised my hand for assistance. So now, we are looking at vomit, urine and poop as ‘signs’ that the medicine is working. Oh boy! It just keeps getting better!

Finally, the translator got to the part I was hoping for, the visions. This was where I wanted to see what happens when we die and pass over into the Higher Realms. She relayed that the visions typically begin within 30 minutes of drinking the medicine but sometimes they don’t and if that happens, the Shaman will offer us another cup. So, as I recapped the possible outcomes in my mind sitting there on the cold concrete floor in the Shaman’s hostel that night in Peru, it seemed like I might end up puking, pooping and/or peeing my pants and still not get the vision of what life after death might be like. And yet as I pondered all those unpleasant possibilities in my mind, I felt a wave of assurance wash over me once again as I felt the love of a Mother who says to the sick child, “Just drink the medicine. I know it tastes bad but it will make you better. I promise.”

Ayahuasca – The Green Slimy Drink

And like any good obedient child, I summoned up my last bit of courage as I stared into the green slimy liquid drink I was holding in my hand and said to myself, okay. I’m here. Let’s do this. Then I gulped down my first ever dose of Ayahuasca plant medicine as quickly as possible so that I wouldn’t let the bitterness sway my resolve to see this through. As I finished the last gulp and handed my empty cup over to the translator, I said my prayers to bring me whatever was in my highest and best good in this experience. At that moment I remembered the Shaman’s advice to lie on my side to prevent affixation in the event of vomiting and thought well that’s interesting. Then I curled up into the fetal position and invited the adventure to begin. It would turn out that I didn’t have to wait long. It was on. Hello Mother Ayahausca. Hello Junk in my Trunk. Hello Point of No Return. We are here. Welcome to the Jungle. We’ve been expecting you.

This blog post is a part of a series. Stay tuned for the next edition!

Disclaimer: Sherri Sengsouvanna does not promote the use of “Ayahuasca” or any other hallucinogenic. This blog post is merely to share her experiences with the plant.

Hello Ayahuasca Part 1

It was July 2017 when I embarked on one of the most memorable adventures that I’ve undertaken so far in this lifetime. Over a 3 week period, I was looking forward to experiencing some of the most amazing sacred sites in Peru with the highlight being what some are now calling the 8th wonder of the world, Machu Picchu. And while I could write extensively about how peaceful and yet fascinating I found each and every day to be on that trip, it wasn’t Machu Picchu that blew my mind, although that’s not to say it didn’t live up to the hype. No. Instead it was the peacefulness of the indigenous people, the medicine of their Shamans and most importantly, the wisdom of the plants that I discovered in Peru that actually forever changed my path in this lifetime. And now that I know what I know, I understand that Mother Nature has a secret sauce for healing our emotional trauma, and it’s her plants (and sometimes insects). And I was about to meet one of her most powerful healers, the plant Ayahuasca.

All My Fears Show Up

Growing up in a small Midwestern town, I had very little exposure to illegal drugs and quite honestly, I had a seriously deep-rooted fear of mental illness including the possibility of losing my mind in my old age to some disease like Alzheimer’s so recreational mind altering drugs simply didn’t intrigue me at all for as long as I can remember. Now couple that fear with numerous amazing emotional healing stories I was hearing about a plant utilized by the Shamans of Peru for healing emotional traumas such as PSTD, grief and more, a vine that grows deep in the Amazon jungles of Peru called Ayahuasca, and you can appreciate the set up as this is where the conflict began.

What To Do

For on this trip there would be an opportunity to experience the plant medicine of Ayahuasca under the guidance of a highly recommended Shaman. And clearly, I had all the necessary prerequisites with all the junk in my trunk that I carried from the death of my son Todd, and yet…I wasn’t quite sure if this was a good fit for me. So I did what I do. I prayed to my Angels. I prayed to God. I prayed to Todd. I even prayed to the plant Ayahuasca because I had Googled enough to know that the plant was said to have a living wisdom all its own and if it wasn’t respected, many people who consumed identical dosages would not only have completely different experiences, some would have no effect at all if the intention was not healing or the if they weren’t ready.

Was it right for me? Was I ready for this plant? I didn’t know but I asked the only question I need to know these days, “Is this [fill in the blank with the word “Ayahuasca” at this particular crossroads] in my highest and best good at this time?” Each time I posed that question, which I did many times over the weeks leading up to the trip, I felt a reassuring affirmation wash over my entire body.

Act One: The Surrender

Ayahuasca brew in glass with shamanic drum and medicinal herbs. Eventually I surrendered to the idea that I would do this thing called Ayahuasca while in Peru. This thing I heard so many wonderful and a few scary stories about. But the story that actually drew me in was the one where someone experienced what they described as an “end of life review” where they actually felt that they had died and met their Angels or Guides on the Other Side. Since none of us are getting out of here alive, I definitely had a burning desire to better understand the dying process and what I might reasonably expect when I got to wherever we all go when we hit the eject button. In fact I had even envisioned on numerous occasions a Time Out Corner on the Other Side, where I intended to find Todd and set him squarely in upon my arrival because his departure from this realm left me feeling so broken for so long that I thought that would be a very fitting initial act exercising my parental authority when I saw him again.

Here We Go

And so the build-up began. The Ayahuasca plant called to me. I dreamed about it. I felt Todd say, “It’s a good idea Mom.” I saw signs every time I asked. And I thought it might be cool to meet some Angels or even Todd in a new way if that was possible. So I signed up. I knew what I wanted and with any luck, maybe I would get it. But I had no idea what was in store for me. I had no idea what I needed to experience, but the Ayahuasca plant knew. It had waited patiently nearly 25 years for me to arrive at this moment. Now the secret sauce was brewing. Mother Nature was smiling. It was time. And the mountains of Peru was the place. Here we go!

This blog post is a part of a series. Continue reading here: Hello Ayahuasca Part 2

Disclaimer: Sherri Sengsouvanna does not promote the use of “Ayahuasca” or any other hallucinogenic. This blog post is merely to share her experiences with the plant.